I found that I liked the feel of water falling over my clit as well as the feel of my fingers inside me. I felt my hymen for myself, wondering at its resistance to my probing. I wrote all about my night with Eleanor in my journal and have often chuckled myself at the fact that this was the first entry I had ever made in the book. Each entry, of course, has been a continuation of that first one. That next night, Eleanor taught me to pleasure her. How to kiss, to press, to fondle. She taught me the vocabulary for what we did, explaining that many women liked cursing, but others detested it. In the next few weeks, she taught me about lingerie and how to wear it for sex and how to seduce and be seduced. Later, she even arranged for gymnastic lessons for me, which made me wonderfully flexible and limber. One night she opened a chest at the foot of her bed with a key and showed me all the toys and accruements of passion. Most could not be used on me, but some could and I found them. "Yes," she said, for lack of anything else to say."It sounds to me," he said softly, "that for most of your life, other people have told you what to do and how to feel. You've been bouncing along in life, from place to place, doing what you thought was expected of you. Now, here, sitting with a policeman, you did the same thing. I asked you to tell me about yourself and you did."She stared at him. That didn't make any sense at all. She'd done what she wanted to do. Hadn't she? She thought back to what she'd just told him. He was right! The only things she'd done of her own free will were the secret things. Even then, the boys ... her cousins ... had called all the shots, except for actually fucking her. She hadn't let them do that. She'd wanted to, but was too afraid. And school. She remembered now that she'd talked about archeology, but her grandmother had pooh-poohed that. Nobody could make a living in archeology. Business was the ticket. An MBA would open doors for her.Had it? Her.
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